Handling People: Recognizing Undermining Language and Setting Professional Boundaries
Introduction
In both business and life, handling people effectively is just as crucial as technical expertise. Whether you're managing a project, running a business, or working with clients, recognizing undermining language, shifting responsibility, and setting firm boundaries is key to maintaining professionalism and control.
This article explores how to identify manipulation tactics, handle clients who overstep, and maintain self-respect and clarity in professional interactions.
Recognizing Undermining Language
Some people use subtle (or not-so-subtle) tactics to undermine others, often without realizing it. Here are key phrases to watch out for and how to handle them.
1. The Passive-Aggressive Blame Shift
“You made me do it.”
🚨 What’s happening?
- This phrase shifts responsibility away from the speaker and onto someone else, avoiding accountability.
- It’s often used to excuse poor decisions or behavior.
✅ How to respond:
- Reframe the accountability: “I didn’t make you do anything. Let’s focus on what happened and how we can move forward.”
- Hold firm: Don’t accept misplaced blame. Encourage ownership of actions.
2. The Subtle Underminer
“Are you sure that’s the best approach?”
🚨 What’s happening?
- This can be a legitimate question, but when used repeatedly in a condescending tone, it’s meant to chip away at confidence.
- It can be a form of gaslighting, making you second-guess decisions.
✅ How to respond:
- If the concern is valid, acknowledge it: “That’s a good question. Here’s why I believe this is the right path.”
- If it’s persistent doubt-casting: “If you have a better approach, I’m happy to hear it, but let’s keep things constructive.”
3. The Backhanded Compliment
“I didn’t expect you to handle that so well.”
🚨 What’s happening?
- This disguises criticism as praise, subtly suggesting low expectations.
- It’s often used to maintain a power dynamic.
✅ How to respond:
- Call it out directly (professionally): “I appreciate the compliment, but I always aim for strong execution.”
- Redirect: “Was there something specific that surprised you?”
When “Professionalism” Becomes Tolerance for Overstepping
Clients and colleagues sometimes push boundaries in ways that can become toxic. Here’s how to recognize when a line has been crossed—and what to do about it.
1. The Unreasonable Scope Expansion
“Since you’re already doing X, can you just add Y?”
🚨 What’s happening?
- A request is being framed as a small favor when it’s actually a scope increase.
- The expectation is that you’ll say yes to avoid conflict.
✅ How to respond:
- Set clear scope boundaries: “I’m happy to discuss adding that in, but we’ll need to scope it properly.”
- Reinforce contractual agreements: “That’s outside the agreed scope—do you want me to prepare a proposal for the additional work?”
2. The 24/7 Availability Expectation
“Can you just handle this tonight?”
🚨 What’s happening?
- The assumption is that your time is always available.
- It often starts small but can quickly become a pattern.
✅ How to respond:
- Set clear boundaries: “I’m happy to take care of that first thing tomorrow. If it’s urgent, we can discuss an after-hours rate.”
- Enforce limits without guilt: “I don’t work outside agreed hours, but I can schedule it for the next business day.”
3. The Disrespectful Demand
“I need this done NOW.”
🚨 What’s happening?
- The client is attempting to control your time without respecting your workload or commitments.
- It’s often paired with an unreasonable deadline.
✅ How to respond:
- Push back professionally: “I can prioritize this, but I’ll need to adjust other scheduled work. Let’s confirm how you’d like to proceed.”
- Charge for urgency: “I can expedite this for an additional rush fee.”
Taking Back Control: Setting Boundaries Without Guilt
Maintaining control in professional relationships requires clear communication, reinforced boundaries, and the ability to push back when needed.
1. Set Expectations Early
- Clearly define scope, availability, and response times in writing.
- Make sure the client understands what is and isn’t included.
2. Enforce Boundaries Without Over-Explaining
- Keep responses short and firm: “I’m not available outside working hours.”
- Avoid over-apologizing: You don’t need to justify protecting your time.
3. Recognize When It’s Time to Walk Away
- If a client refuses to respect boundaries, it may be time to part ways.
- Not all business is good business—sometimes letting go of a difficult client creates more success in the long run.
Conclusion: Own Your Space, Demand Respect
People will test boundaries, whether intentionally or not. Learning to spot manipulation, hold people accountable, and enforce professional standards ensures you stay in control of your work and interactions.
When someone says, “You made me do it,” remind them that everyone is responsible for their own actions.
When a client oversteps the mark, don’t hesitate to reinforce expectations and push back professionally.
🚀 Success in business isn’t just about skill—it’s about knowing how to handle people. And that’s a skill worth mastering.